Desember 2006


Aangesien more my laaste dag by die werk is hierdie jaar, gaan ek sommer nou die kersgeskenke uitdeel.

Aan Minter, ‘n lisensie wat in SA geldig is, ‘n nuwe ID boekie en ‘n kursus in SA street smarts sodat sy CDs nie weer gesteel word nie.
Aan Lammervanger, ‘n nuwe ware Ozzie liefde.
Aan Do Kwang, Kaaspastytjie en Kwam Oem, ‘n uil afweerder en ‘n waterbottel vir wanneer ons weer ‘n slag saam spin.
Aan Maeree en HVDH, ‘n swaai vir hulle tuin / stoep.
Aan Maksideem, ‘n hoed wat sê “I live in Manly” om te dra as hy uitgaan en chicks wil impress.
Aan Dorothy, ‘n fitness instructor wat soos Billy Joel sing en Arnold lyk.
Aan Arcadia, Lost Girls, Mafikeng biblioteekkaartjie en haar eie Lily.
Aan Carien, ‘n mediese fonds, ‘n rusbank vir haar leë woonstel en Wild Riders sodat die dominee haar nie uitvang as sy dit self koop nie.
Aan Rondloper, ‘n gasteboek vir sy nuwe gastehuis, en ‘n proudly south African t-shirt om op sy reise te dra.
Aan Voetstoots, ‘n bottel boontjies om te tel, en ‘n 2 fotos van Graeme Smith en John Smit wat elk ‘n wêreldbeker vashou (sal moet wag tot volgende jaar om dit te kry egter).
Aan Margie, the Book of Lists.
Aan Adam, ‘n pak rainbow coloured jockeys (te veel wit is nie goed vir mens nie).
Aan Henno, The Perfect Storm op DVD, aangesien hy teleurgesteld was in Typhoon Durian .
Aan Rooi Neger, ‘n limo vir wanneer hy Bermuda se president word. Ek twyfel nie vir een oomblik dat hy dit sal afpull nie. Om die waarheid te sê, hy sal nie eens staan in die verkiesing nie, hy sal sommer net die huidige prez se job bum.
Aan Emmy, gm, jobs by hulle gunsteling publikasies.
Aan Marissa, boeke; baie boeke. En ‘n boek om ‘n lys te maak van die ander boeke.
Aan Klagat, ‘n eenrigting kaartjie terug SA toe en ‘n subskripsie vir die SA Good News.
Aan Rendier, een aand se deurslaap per week.
Aan Johan, ‘n Jurie Els CD.

As jou geskenk nie voor Kersfees in die pos opdaag nie, onthou dis die gedagte wat tel. Ek is eers na more eers weer in Januarie op my pos, so hierdie is waarskynlik die laaste post van 2006.

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Kyk vanaand se 19:00 nuus op SABC (en neem sommer E-TV sin op). Moet dit nie mis nie!

Een van die grootste stories rondom die Bokke se patetiese toer in Ierland en Engeland gaan mos oor die kontroversie daar rondom dat mense die ou SA vlag gewaai het. Nie net by die wedstryde nie, maar sommer ook op die lughawe toe die Bokke hier aankom. Brielie het ‘n hele relaas geskryf oor hoe almal oorreageer, en ek wil nie die punt herhaal nie.

Ek wil eerder skryf oor my mening dat ons die vryhede, o.a. vryheid van spraak, wat ons land so duur voor betaal het nie lief genoeg het, of goed genoeg beskerm nie. Ons behoort ‘n attitude te hê wat sê : “mors met ons konstitusie en jy mors met my land”. Of ek ‘n aanhanger van die ou vlag is of hom haat is nie ter sake nie (glad nie ‘n aanhanger nie). Ek is ook nie ‘n aanhanger van Jacob Zuma se gunsteling struggle liedjie “bring me my machine gun” nie. Ek voel dat dit net so veel doen om verdeeldheid in ons land te bring en net so konfronterend is as om die ou vlag te swaai, maar dit beteken nie ek wil hê hy moet verhoed word om dit te sing nie.

Soos Voltaire gesê het: “I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.”

Ou grappie wat ek weer raakgeloop het:

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie (Corb), leans out the window and asks the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not?” The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1586 sheep.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.” says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep? “

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a consultant.” says the shepherd.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap about my business. . . ” … Now give me back my dog.”


My goeie vriend en wit neger Silwer Minter spoel nou ook sy brein op die Net. Lees sy verbale diaree by http://dingeengoeters.blogspot.com/.

ACTUAL ENGLISH SUBTITLES USED IN FILMS MADE IN HONG KONG

1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

3. Gun wounds again?

4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

5. A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries.

6. Damn, I’ll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

7. Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants.

8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

9. Quiet or I’ll blow your throat up.

10. You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken.

11. I’ll fire aimlessly if you don’t come out!

12. You daring lousy guy.

13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!

14. I have been scared shitless too much lately.

15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg’s hair!

16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?

19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat. [sic, of course]

20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough examination.

21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.

Keith Ellison is die eerste moslem om tot die Amerikaanse kongres verkies te word. Dit opsig self sê seker al klaar baie, maar dis nie die punt wat ek nou wil maak nie. Wat skokkend is, is hoe hierdie gebeurtenis die skokkende vooroordele van sommige Amerikaners na vore bring.

Eers voer CNN ‘n onderhoud met Ellison, waarin daar basies vir hom gesê word dat alle moslems terroriste is, hoekom is hy nie een nie.

Toe skryf Dennis Prager, ‘n konserwatiewe radio omroeper en joernalis, ‘n artikel waarin hy probeer om ‘n kontroversie te skep deur te sê Ellison weier om sy inswerings-eed op die Bybel te neem, hy wil eerder die Koran gebruik. Nie net is die nie waar nie (daar word geen boek gebruik in die inswering nie), al was dit waar: SO WHAT!? Hoe kan dit moontlik kontroversieël wees? Volgens Prager : “the act undermines American civilization”. Huh?